You know those KarNerp posts that have been going around where Karkat finds her shipping wall during the three-year trip?
So I wrote a 1,000 word fic about it.
You were lost, plain and simple.
The walls all looked the same, the paintings looked the same and the carpets even smelled the same in this fucking place. It was impossible not to get lost is this fucking labyrinth.
You’ve been trapped on this meteor for an entire sweep, and you still get lost. This is fucking shameful and you should feel ashamed. What the hell did you think you were doing, thinking you could walk around passages you’d long abandoned? The funny thing was that they’d been abandoned so long ago you’d forgotten why.
You start to think you’ve wandered back into somewhere familiar, because things start to look familiar and smell familiar. Then you see a funny marking on the carpet. You go a little closer to see and…
There’s a blood stain.
You’re fucking wrong.
It’s just a few purple drops and a splash of green.
Oh god you’re wrong.
Gamzee and Nepeta. You suddenly flash back to the pain and the fear of everyone’s rampages. The day that made you fear that this wasn’t the alpha timeline.
Something you didn’t know was that troll blood stains don’t fade over time; they stay just as vibrant as the day they were spilt. Why does this have to look so familiar.
You should turn back. You really should. You should turn and run and get away…
But you haven’t been here in so long. This is where your friends used to be. This is where Gamzee could be hiding.
It hurts… but as the leader you need to sneak around.
You walk down a staircase into what looks to be a den full of dust-covered junk. At first, you’re grossed out by your archeological find. No one cleans up after themselves in this shithole, and we all love to sit around in our own filth apparently.
Then you remember no one has been alive to wallow in this filth, like your brain kindly suggested.
Your chest hurts.
Robot parts and tea kettles are strewn around in messy piles and on boxes. So, this was Nepeta and Equius’s room. You never spent much time with either of them. Nepeta was noisy and awkwardly clingy, and Equius was kind of creepy and a gigantic racist. But they were still your friends. The first time you visit their respiteblock is a sweep after they’re dead. Oh god.
You walk forward, trying to find another way out other than turning around. If you turned around you’d be abandoning them again. The throbbing cocks of Equius’s musclebeast posters stare you down, making you think this is a mistake. You stare straight ahead, doing your best not to look. You really ought to get out of this room.
There’s a metal door on the other side of the room. In your hurry to get there, you almost trip over a bow. But eventually you’re there and you open the door and it’s Nepeta’s room.
Oh god you knew she shipped but you never knew it was like this.
A life size drawing of Sollux and Feferi is finger-painted onto the wall across from you. He’s holding a heart in his outstretched hand. It’s not great, but it’s a shit ton better than anything you could do so you appreciate it.
You walk towards it and around the corner and there are more pictures. Rose and Kanaya along with Dave and Tavros. It’s kind of weird that she only has pictures of redrom, but you can’t help but think how sweet this is. It must have taken her ages to make such big pictures, based on things she thought would make her friends happy.
You realize Nepeta was really sweet. Creepy and generally useless to many goals; but sweet.
There’s paint and yarn and kettles on the floor, so you’re careful not to trip. You start to feel kind of bad for invading a girl’s respiteblock like this.
Now you see the other relationships. She saw you and Gamzee coming, which was really smart of her. You wouldn’t in a million years have seen yourself pale for him. There was a long time when you thought you two were destined to be black.
You’re getting nostalgic, now. You miss her, even if you weren’t that close before.
And then you see it.
You have to hop a crate in order to stand in front of it and when you do it towers over you. It’s a picture of you and Nepeta kissing. There’s OTP written on it, and you have no idea what that means but you know it’s important.
Everything you’ve been feeling wells up inside you. She was a creepy catgirl, but she was a person. She was smart, and creative, and talented and sweet. You rub your sweater sleeves over her work, trying to erase yourself but all you’re doing is smudging sweep old paint.
There’s a rush of pity and affection for her. She cared about you so fucking much and all you did was push her away and let your moirail kill her.
You’re the worst leader. It’s you.
Innocent lovestruck girls die everywhere and it’s all your fucking fault.
You didn’t cry when she died, but you’re crying now. You’re curled into a ball at the base of your and her feet, sobbing out apologies.
This room is so fucking Nepeta it hurts. Everything hurts.
You don’t remember how long you’ve been crying, but you know people are bound to be looking for you. Everyone still gets nervous when someone disappears for more than a few hours, and you have to have been here for quite a while. Your butt is sore from the metal ground and your head hurts from crying so much.
“I’m sorry,” you croak out one last time. “I’m fucking sorry.”
Every now and then you go back there. It keeps your ego low. You’ll never become too much of an asshole of a leader as long as you remember the way the Rogue of Heart was broken.